My Dearest Friend,
You know I fucking love you. But you have got to stop waging war against your body, and against yourself.
Yes, we live in a fat phobic, ableist society that will tell you daily that everything you are is wrong. I know the looks you get, or don't get, from the people passing by. I know the harsh words your doctor says about your weight when you bring up your chronic pain, again. I know that clothes don't fit and social media tells you to hide away. I see all those posts telling you that weight loss and feeling good about yourself is just a pyramid scheme diet shake away.
BUT, please for the love of all things holy, don't buy into that shit. Your body is designed perfectly to be imperfect. This vessel is the thing that carries you through this life. Please be kind to yourself.
All the things that tell you that you're ugly, lazy, and disgusting are working alongside the beauty and diet industries to keep you on the hook. They strive to keep you buying their products in an attempt to feel better about yourself. Their whole reason for being is to push you off the cliff of self acceptance into a deep pit of self loathing.
If you hear one message, it's that your worth is not dependant on your body's size or your health. You are a worthy, beautiful being, exactly as you are.
Stop waging the war. Make peace with yourself. Just make that decision and bit-by-bit start down the path.
"But Jasmin! I've tried and I just can't get there."
I know, friend. But starting today, make small changes towards the peace that you deserve. (See Suggestions Below)
Small Changes to Make Peace with Your Body
Curate your social media feeds to feature bodies that look like yours with a positive body image. Seriously. Follow Lizzo, follow Teri Hofford, The Identity of She, Curvy Sense, Tiffany Ima, The Body is Not an Apology, Everybodies Education, Robyn Scheer (McMillan). Follow anyone that resonates with you and teaches you that your body is a good body.
Remove or mute the friends that are pushing weight loss, diet products and fat phobic comments and memes.
Write love notes to yourself on your mirror and read them daily.
Strive for body neutrality on days when body positivity is too much.
Buy clothes that fit. Even if all you can afford is one outfit that makes you feel amazing.
Take and look at photos of yourself. I know this one can make you feel squeamish. The more you see your body, the easier it is to accept it.
Hire a photographer for a session to boost your confidence. Make sure that the photographer is a positive person who will make you feel amazing.
Ask your spouse to tell you why they find you beautiful and then listen to what they say.
Tell yourself you love yourself in the mirror everyday. Seriously "Jasmin, I love you. I really, really love you."
Read books that can help change your perspective. I highly recommend The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor and Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight by Lindo Bacon, PhD.